Mud is just wet dirt.

I have always heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest. If this is true than my wife and I have got it made in the shade. We are by no means perfect yet a couple of months to go and our first year will have passed with no real fights. Now don't get me wrong we have had some stressful times with her starting Dental Hygiene School and me being unemployed. We had to move closer to her school into our first apartment. With the stress of a lot of unknowns and yet no fights.

I have always preferred to keep open communication so it doesn't build into a fight. It took us both some time to be comfortable enough to really expose our deepest feelings regardless of the situation. I have learned over the years that talking is the answer to most all problems. People who don't talk to each other when something is bothering them tend to let it build until it reaches the boiling point. If you were to just sit down and say hey this bothers me and we need to discuss it, while you still have the mind frame to logically talk things through, would solve the waiting until you are screaming and everyone goes on the defense.

As everyone knows men and women are different. To let you in on a little secret, women are very emotional at times and men usually are not. There are some exceptions to the rule but for the most part that fact stands true. Now I am not saying you can do anything about certain times when hormones are raging for what ever reasons but there are times it just comes natural. I am also not saying that it is the woman's fault things build to explosion. As the logical thinkers it is our duty as men to help our women get through these times.

Here is an example of a situation that has happened to everyone that has been in a serious relationship, in some form or fashion. I will use Jack and Jill as names.

Jack goes out to the sports bar with some buddies after work to watch the game. They are drinking, having snacks, and just hanging out having a great time. The game should be over around 8:00, after triple over time and watching the post game discussing what they had just witnessed Jack comes rolling in around 11:30. Understandably Jill is upset by this time, Jack is three and a half hours later than she expected and has not answered her calls throughout the evening. Which he didn't hear over the noise in the bar. As an emotional creature her thoughts first go to an accident, she is picturing Jack in a horrible car crash or maybe a shooting at the bar, then turns to maybe he is out with another women. When in all actuality he is safe and not thinking about women at all. Jack as a logical creature knows now he should have called but was caught up in the moment and is sorry but there is nothing he can do now. She is crying and irrational, he automatically throws a wall up and goes defense. After going to bed angry, she is mad because he worried her and he is mad because she is mad that he was having a good time, the next few days turn into a constant Jack asking what is wrong Jill repeatedly saying nothing I am fine. It doesn't take long to get the explosion stage.

Its not her fault or his. If either of them had said lets calm down and talk about this we will see there is no reason for us to fight about this. We are both in the wrong for the way we acted and learning from the mistake it will not happen again. As I stated before it takes time for both people to let their guard down and be comfortable laying it all on the line.

The number one make or break deal in any relationship is communication.